matsuehikari

I don't know why things keep getting worse just as my life seems to be going well. I was so happy to see my mom get married to (now my step father) John who treats her the way my biological father should have. She's happy to be with someone who loves and respects her as an equal. 

Plus I have been taking some big steps to becoming more independent and helpful to my family by getting more solid work.

Then... once again life pulls the rug out right underneath my feet.
I had been hoping that me and my boyfriend would be able to become more closer by living in the same state together. But he tells me that he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore more and chooses to remain single....

I thought we talked about our future together clearly but I guess I was putting my hopes on someone who didn't want to even try. 
I feel like every time I open my heart to someone that I only end up getting old wounds ripped back open. 
I let someone in only to be hurt and left behind just like always.

I'm not even going to try to get back at him or hate him for breaking my heart because as a Christian it wouldn't be right, plus it wouldn't make me feel any better. If I'm angry at anyone it's myself for letting my defenses down. 
If there's any emotion I feel towards him it's sorrow. I wished he at least tried to make it work, tried to be more dependent, to at least try to brave the frightening outside world instead of hiding or believing it only judges him on his faults then using them as his strength. 

It it took me a lot to go out on my own to see him and meet his family. I was way out of my comfort zone. I had never gone anywhere on my own before. 
I was scared but I did it because I loved him. I don't do things like that just for anyone. But I guess it was too much to ask for him to do the same. 

Whatever happens was his decision not mine. 
It hurts but there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart, because then I wouldn't have ever known how much it hurts when it breaks.

I recently saw the movie "Edge of tomorrow" with my little brother Sean, it was better than I thought it would be. It was pretty funny and the graphics were excellent. 

I saw and brought this movie I think everyone should see "Ernest & Celestine".
even though it's based on a children's book that originated from France, I found it sweet and hilarious. Even Sean liked it which is surprising because he's very picky. 

An update on my writing and art work, I'm sorry I will not be able to submit any legendz chapters or colored pics until my laptop screen is fixed. (Even though I had my hard drive overhauled to fix the bugs, glitches and viruses removed!!! >:[ 
so until then I will be doing some sketches on my iPad.

What does one do when they can no longer trust the one they thought they could the most. My father used to be a pastor a man of God. children normally look up to their fathers I was no different. I was proud to be his daughter believed he was the closest thing to God. But that was a lie.
I believe he was a man of honor and integrity. but slowly things begin to change. he and my mother would fight more often. He spent most times supposably at work. My mother spent nights waiting for husband who would never come home.
Then after seven long years he finally confessed. He was living and sleeping with another woman. All this time when he should've been home when we needed him he was with her lying in a bed of sin.
I was crushed the father I thought I knew was only allusion
I was crushed. the father I knew or thought I knew was only allusion

:Rules!:
1) You must post the rules.
2) Each person must post five things about themselves in their journal.
3) Answer the questions the tagger set for you to answer.
4) You have to choose 11 people to tag and post their icons in your journal. <-.....Change that to 5 please cause I don't really wanna bother most of the people that I watch or watch me. ;w;
5) Go to their page and tell them you tagged them.
6) No tag backs.
7) No stuff in the tagging section saying "If you're reading this you're tagged"
~*~

1.) What is your weapon of choice if you could only master 5? (Mage staff or swords...don't matter. )

I prefer swords or crossbow if I can sneak. 

2.) Do you love playing games with friends?

I do enjoy playing games with others, but living in Hawaii it's hard to do especially due the time diffidence. >_> 

3.) If so, what kind of games? (and not just video games btw xD)

I like games like Skyrim and puzzle games.

4.) Do u liek mudkipz?

Not really. I like the dragon types more.

5.) If you could pick one pokemon to be your guardian, what and why that pokemon?

I really been playing pokemon or watching it in a LONG time so I not really sure. :/
But if I had to choose I'd go with my old favorite Charizard. 

6.) Do you like dragons?

*laughs* Do really need to ask? Yes I do.

7.) What color would describe you? Are you a rainbow with black and white like me? ;A;

I really don't understand this question but I'd think I'd be a tropical blue.

8.) Can I glomp you? ^w^

lol ok

9.) If the Touhou Spell card system game was real, what kind of spellcards would you use? [Elemental? Emotional?] (Touhou for those that I tagged thatare not familiar with. ^_^

Touhou? I don't know what that is. O_o

10.) Do you like waffles?

lol yes I do.

Your guys test starts NOW.

1: What's your favorite anime or TV show?

2: If you could be in any place on earth or alternate world where would it be?

3: What's the most embarrassing thing your sibling, relative, or friend done when you were with them?

4: If you could meet the people you've become good friends with online in real life would you?

5: Who's your hero or the person you look up to? (they don't have to be a real person)

6: Your favorite kind of music?

7: If you could be any kind of animal, what would it be?

8: What do you enjoy during your free time?

9: Worst fear?

Okay I think that should do it.   

I tag

SheepNeutral 
alice-the-dragon
SentinelWinder
HeroHeart001
eragon13666