I don't know why things keep getting worse just as my life seems to be going well. I was so happy to see my mom get married to (now my step father) John who treats her the way my biological father should have. She's happy to be with someone who loves and respects her as an equal.
Plus I have been taking some big steps to becoming more independent and helpful to my family by getting more solid work.
Then... once again life pulls the rug out right underneath my feet.
I had been hoping that me and my boyfriend would be able to become more closer by living in the same state together. But he tells me that he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore more and chooses to remain single....
I thought we talked about our future together clearly but I guess I was putting my hopes on someone who didn't want to even try.
I feel like every time I open my heart to someone that I only end up getting old wounds ripped back open.
I let someone in only to be hurt and left behind just like always.
I'm not even going to try to get back at him or hate him for breaking my heart because as a Christian it wouldn't be right, plus it wouldn't make me feel any better. If I'm angry at anyone it's myself for letting my defenses down.
If there's any emotion I feel towards him it's sorrow. I wished he at least tried to make it work, tried to be more dependent, to at least try to brave the frightening outside world instead of hiding or believing it only judges him on his faults then using them as his strength.
It it took me a lot to go out on my own to see him and meet his family. I was way out of my comfort zone. I had never gone anywhere on my own before.
I was scared but I did it because I loved him. I don't do things like that just for anyone. But I guess it was too much to ask for him to do the same.
Whatever happens was his decision not mine.
It hurts but there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart, because then I wouldn't have ever known how much it hurts when it breaks.