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About Deviant Artist matsuehikariFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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  • Listening to: Bittersweet by Nano
  • Reading: GT, Legendz, Transformers fanfiction
  • Watching: Steven universe
  • Playing: Skyrim, minecraft PS3
  • Drinking: Ice tea
I don't know why things keep getting worse just as my life seems to be going well. I was so happy to see my mom get married to (now my step father) John who treats her the way my biological father should have. She's happy to be with someone who loves and respects her as an equal. 

Plus I have been taking some big steps to becoming more independent and helpful to my family by getting more solid work.

Then... once again life pulls the rug out right underneath my feet.
I had been hoping that me and my boyfriend would be able to become more closer by living in the same state together. But he tells me that he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore more and chooses to remain single....

I thought we talked about our future together clearly but I guess I was putting my hopes on someone who didn't want to even try. 
I feel like every time I open my heart to someone that I only end up getting old wounds ripped back open. 
I let someone in only to be hurt and left behind just like always.

I'm not even going to try to get back at him or hate him for breaking my heart because as a Christian it wouldn't be right, plus it wouldn't make me feel any better. If I'm angry at anyone it's myself for letting my defenses down. 
If there's any emotion I feel towards him it's sorrow. I wished he at least tried to make it work, tried to be more dependent, to at least try to brave the frightening outside world instead of hiding or believing it only judges him on his faults then using them as his strength. 

It it took me a lot to go out on my own to see him and meet his family. I was way out of my comfort zone. I had never gone anywhere on my own before. 
I was scared but I did it because I loved him. I don't do things like that just for anyone. But I guess it was too much to ask for him to do the same. 

Whatever happens was his decision not mine. 
It hurts but there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart, because then I wouldn't have ever known how much it hurts when it breaks.
Echo
On February 11th at 12:44, I lost my baby girl Echo. She had had a old injury to her back legs a while back, a sprained hip is what they told me along with  arthritis. 
I had gotten medicine to help her. it seemed to be helping but the next day she couldn't get up. She wouldn't eat and when I tried to help her stand up her back legs wouldn't support her and she'd just  collapse back down.
I realized that she was giving me all the signs that it was time. So we took her to the vet.
they told me that she wasn't going to recover and that it would be less painful for her if she was put to sleep. 
I had to do what was right for her, I couldn't let her suffer as much as I loved her. 
We buried her in my stepdads backyard next to one of his own cats to keep her company. 

Echo was the only cat I had ever had for so long, from baby to adult. She was 16 to 17 years old when she died.
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deviantID

matsuehikari

Artist
United States
Just a humble artist

Current Residence: hawaii
Favourite style of art: Anime
Favourite cartoon character: Shiron
Personal Quote: XP
Interests
  • Listening to: Bittersweet by Nano
  • Reading: GT, Legendz, Transformers fanfiction
  • Watching: Steven universe
  • Playing: Skyrim, minecraft PS3
  • Drinking: Ice tea
I don't know why things keep getting worse just as my life seems to be going well. I was so happy to see my mom get married to (now my step father) John who treats her the way my biological father should have. She's happy to be with someone who loves and respects her as an equal. 

Plus I have been taking some big steps to becoming more independent and helpful to my family by getting more solid work.

Then... once again life pulls the rug out right underneath my feet.
I had been hoping that me and my boyfriend would be able to become more closer by living in the same state together. But he tells me that he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore more and chooses to remain single....

I thought we talked about our future together clearly but I guess I was putting my hopes on someone who didn't want to even try. 
I feel like every time I open my heart to someone that I only end up getting old wounds ripped back open. 
I let someone in only to be hurt and left behind just like always.

I'm not even going to try to get back at him or hate him for breaking my heart because as a Christian it wouldn't be right, plus it wouldn't make me feel any better. If I'm angry at anyone it's myself for letting my defenses down. 
If there's any emotion I feel towards him it's sorrow. I wished he at least tried to make it work, tried to be more dependent, to at least try to brave the frightening outside world instead of hiding or believing it only judges him on his faults then using them as his strength. 

It it took me a lot to go out on my own to see him and meet his family. I was way out of my comfort zone. I had never gone anywhere on my own before. 
I was scared but I did it because I loved him. I don't do things like that just for anyone. But I guess it was too much to ask for him to do the same. 

Whatever happens was his decision not mine. 
It hurts but there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart, because then I wouldn't have ever known how much it hurts when it breaks.

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:icontwingiants:
TwinGiants Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2017  Professional Writer
Thank you for the fav, sweetie.
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:iconmatsuehikari:
matsuehikari Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Your welcome :)
Reply
:icongoldfox20:
GoldFox20 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2017
Thanks for the :+fav:!
Reply
:iconmatsuehikari:
matsuehikari Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Your welcome :)
Reply
:icongarrus368:
garrus368 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2017
i did sumit the page 1,i hope that you like it :)
garrus368.deviantart.com/art/w…
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:iconnkong775:
Nkong775 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Student Artist
Animation RoseMushroom - iconHappy Birthday Godliek :DHappy Birthday!Happy Birthday Godliek :DMushroom - iconAnimation Rose 
Rain Stars BlueRain Stars BlueRain Stars BlueRain Stars BlueRain Stars BlueRain Stars BlueRain Stars Blue 

Red Rose.:Mini moon n star:.Pink Planet Emoticon.:Straw n flower:. matsuehikari! .:Straw n flower:.Pink Planet Emoticon.:Mini moon n star:.Red Rose     
Reply
:iconmatsuehikari:
matsuehikari Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2017
Thanks:hug:
Reply
:iconnkong775:
Nkong775 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2017  Student Artist
Of course! Hatsune Miku-13 (Wink and Heart) (^///v///^)
Reply
:iconpicture2841:
Picture2841 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Student Artist
Happy Birthday! :)
Reply
:iconmatsuehikari:
matsuehikari Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2017
Thanks :hug:
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